7 Things Every Parent Of A Teen Needs To Know Before Having “The Talk”

Sitting down with your son or daughter to talk about the birds and the bees may be one of the most anxiety-ridden conversations a parent will have to face with their child. According to motivational speaker and teen relationship expert, Jackie Brewton, it’s never been more imperative: “Less than 50 percent of teenagers are given the talk, and if they don’t learn about it from you, they’re going to learn from their friends or the media. So much of the teenage sex that is happening now is happening out of obligation. Girls don’t get that they’re the prize. They feel like they can earn love and approval through sex.”

Jackie’s close mentorship with teenage girls has revealed to her a growing epidemic of troubling patterns that are not only damaging to the individual self-esteem of the girl, but also negatively effect the way we come to relate to sex and love as we move into  adulthood. ” I had one 13- year-old girl say to me that she felt her virginity was a burden, that she no longer wanted to carry it.  I find that there’s so much flawed thinking, and it’s up to the parents to speak to these children so that they grow up into truly authentic adults that can respect themselves and their personal values.”

We’ve gathered us some nuggets of pure parenting wisdom from Jackie’s E-book, 7 Things Every Parent Of A Teen Needs To Know Before Having The Talk, that’ll help you sail a bit more smoothly through this seemingly treacherous sea known as parenthood.

1. You must be involved in your teen’s life 

The most important thing parents should focus on is building close emotional bonds with their children. Many studies have shown that strong emotional connections with parents provide a protective factor against many at-risk behaviors. Teens find it difficult to feel connected to their parents emotionally when they don’t think their parents have an interest in their lives.

2. Your teen needs (and wants) boundaries.

The most effective way to set boundaries is when there is a healthy, established relationship between you and your child. Rules without relationship equal rebellion. A relationship without rules equals promiscuity. But a relationship with rules is the cornerstone of positive parenting.

3. Your teen needs you to have high expectations of him/her.

Jackie says setting high standards is key to seeing the most desired results: “I think one of the reasons I have been able to successfully encourage teens to abstain is because I challenge them and they can tell I actually believe they are capable of meeting the challenge. You should see their faces light up when they hear me tell them that I believe they are capable of demonstrating discipline and self control.

4. You can’t rely on fear as a primary stage.

Scaring children with harrowing statistics about potential STD’s isn’t the best starting point. A mother will have much better success with getting her daughter to abstain from sex if she helps her understand her purpose, create a vision for her future, set goals, and develop a plan to reach those goals.

5. You can’t have a double standard. 

If you would encourage your daughter to abstain from sex because she needs to know her worth/value, understand that boys have value too. Your son’s life is just as important as your daughters, and so is your future grandchild’s life. Until parents begin to think about their lineage and legacy when guiding their teens in this area, we will continue to have future generations of children who are born to teen parents. Let’s face it; girls don’t get pregnant by themselves.

6. You must know the facts.

Jackie says she’s often surprised to discover how many parents are uninformed about the realities of todays sexual statistics: “I want to prevent you from giving your teens advice based on outdated information. Yes, we want our children to be as safe as possible if they choose to become sexually active. But, we also want them to make informed decisions, knowing the realistic limitations of condoms and other forms of birth control. Isn’t it time that we told our children the entire story—that protection provided by any form of birth control is limited and will not totally eliminate all of the negative consequences of teenage sex?”

 7. Your teen needs to know you have high expectations of him/her.  The search for love in a teenager’s life can lead him or her to make some very dangerous and detrimental decisions. In fact, most teens misbehave because they don’t feel loved, and, subsequently, don’t love themselves. Parents who take the time to become fluent in what their children need in order to feel loved are the same parents who don’t have to worry about their teens seeking  others to fill that void.