Healthy competition between sisters is great. It’s when that healthy
competition turns into comparison and manipulation that we start getting
in our own way of who we are, our relationships and our happiness. Then
you know it is time to reflect and make a change. Here are some things
we definitely should not be in a contest with other women for:
1. How we look
Stop comparing another woman’s beauty to your own. Many of us believe
that it is not enough to be beautiful; we have to be “more beautiful
than…” Recently I made the firm decision to not see myself through the
eyes of a socially constructed version of beauty anymore; things that
were made to please other people. It’s the most empowering decision I
get to make every day and it has made me see myself and other women in a
different light.
2. Relationships
Relationships seem to have become some sort of competition. Maybe it’s social media? Whose significant other did what, who is getting married when, etc.
It’s really tiresome to compare the superficial picture of someone’s
relationship to your own. You don’t really know what goes on behind
someone else’s closed doors unless they tell you. So whenever you get
the urge to look at someone else’s grass, look at your own and water it.
3. Possessions
It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing your “stuff” to someone
else’s and defining yourself as well as other people, by the
superficiality of life. It’s easy to look at another woman’s designer
shoes, perfectly decorated apartment or latest car and think, “Why not
me?” Ask yourself, “Do I even want these things?” and realize that you
don’t know the sacrifices people make to have what they have.
4. Friendship
This one is a little weird but there seems to be this low-key contest
that we can have from time to time about who is “better friends” with
whom, who is better connected, or even silly titles like who is more of
the “guy’s girl.” As a girl who grew up with three brothers, I can tell
you that the latter makes guys laugh out loud because they can see when a
girl is trying too hard to be one of the boys. As for the others, it’s a
bit childish to still be in the business of popularity contests in
adulthood. Let’s leave this part of our childhood behind.
5. Success
It seems that everyone, and not just women, are inclined to compete
in adulthood about who is getting to the top–whatever that even means.
Success is not a particular thing, it should mean something to different
to you than to someone else. Don’t let other people deceive you into
thinking that you want things that you don’t simply because they have
them. Be happy for other people when they succeed but be sure to make
your own rules about what success means to you.
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