Heartbreak is real. This fall from grace is bound to hurt as your blissful understanding of that cherished relationship unravels and you must suddenly make your way back to the center of yourself, by yourself (wherever you last left that, right?). The truth is, there’s no way around this painful break, there’s only the journey through it. Here’s how to move through the heartache with grace and make the most of this fertile time.
Don’t Ask For The Late Check-Out
One of the things that’ll serve you most on the harrowing journey out of heartbreak hotel is to stop checking into that room. In the early stages, it’s hard to comprehend the reason for the sudden end. In an effort to hold onto the relationship, we tend to obsessively analyze the loss because even that painful process seems to keep the flame alive. No matter what stories you tell yourself, or how many times you ask your friends or your ex, you’re not going to get the answer you’re looking for. Because what you really want is to stay. But what you really need to do is go. The sooner you check out, the faster you’ll be headed to the new mystery destination. Give yourself a chance to feel the strength of your own grace and replace your “why?” with a heartfelt genuine “goodbye.”
Love Yourself Even Harder
The hardest part of a break-up is the overflowing love you feel for the other even after they’re gone. Not sure what to do with all that unrequited love? Turn that romance around and point it right back at yourself. Could you imagine what it would be like to be the object of your own affection? The power of your love is very real—it changes lives, which means it can change yours too! Of course (we get it) it was inspired by the presence of another, but it is your love, you created it, and it is yours to use in the direction of your own empowerment. All those beautiful feelings still belong to you–they haven’t gone anywhere. It’s just time to turn them on yourself.
Become The Thing You Long For
Often when we fall in love, it’s because we recognize in another being a quality within ourselves that we value, or elements of ourselves that we’d like to grow into. When we part ways with loved ones, we mourn all the things that their presence brought into our life. Heartbreak lights up our values, illuminating the very things we’d long to become. Often, the person that we wish we had, is actually comprised of things we wish we were. This is our opportunity to cultivate those very qualities within ourselves; become the very thing we once loved.
Endings Are Actually Beginnings
As long as you’re here, it’s not over. And as long as you’re hurt, the story is still unfolding. Life is not this one painful moment. You will move through this. You’ve been thrown wildly from the comforts of your romance, but you’re actually heading towards a more expansive version of your life. In fact, as long as you can find the courage to embrace this change, you’re destined to keep finding more love. Love is not a rare commodity. It’s only rare if you attach the promise of it to one person, one situation, or one scenario. Imagine your life as a river, a steady stream that passes through many beautiful places—you’ve just got to be willing to go with the flow. If you do, you will float right into the next sweet spot.
It’s Really Not Personal
One of the greatest disservices we do to ourselves post break-up is to inflict even more pain on our wound by blaming ourselves for the loss. We feel the need to come up with reasons for why we’re enduring this pain. It’s human nature, and our brains do that in order to figure out how to protect ourselves against future hurt. But, most of the reasons we come up with are comprised of negative thoughts that do not serve us: “I was too needy. I was too independent.” The truth is that the complexities of another person’s needs are something we will never truly understand. It’s such a sophisticated dance comprised of how that person was raised, value systems, what they’ve been exposed to, etc. If someone leaves us, it has much more to do with everything that the other person was yearning for or seeking in his/her life then with us. In fact, somewhere down the line there might be a person looking to love the very thing about us this other person couldn’t stand. We must remind ourselves daily: It’s really not personal.
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