Love at first sight is rare–a gift only a few have the romantic grace to experience. For the rest of us, relentlessly committed to the hunt for our own great loves, we’ve become a bit more familiar with the awkwardness evoked by a precarious mating ritual known as the first date. Yes, this delicate dance can instantly flood us with a flurry of panicked questions–what to wear, where to go, and what to talk about?! Fear not, I’ve rounded up some ladylike thoughts in honor of your next first date. Here are the Do’s and Don’ts.
Do Maintain Your Poker Face
Desire is directly correlated to mystery; the unknown is the very thing that sparks desire in humans–the need to bridge that gap fuels the attraction. Women, more often than men, tend to be comfortable talking about their deeper feelings. Make the adjustment to hold back a bit. Allowing a bit of silence puts the ball in his court–in a positive way. He’ll have to think of what to say next. Get comfortable holding your cards slightly closer during this seductive first round. Your poker face (as long as it’s a smiling one) might help you build the kind of intrigue that’ll fuel the fire for the heat of date number two.
Don’t Overshare
The process of seeking connection and love (fueled even further with the nervous excitement of having one-on-one time with a potential crush) can lead to the unattractive phenomenon known as the overshare. It’s not that all your deepest desires aren’t valid, it’s just that date number one is not the place for them to live. If you’re not sure where the boundary for information sharing lies, err on the side of safety and pose the question to them first. If they go for it, tread delicately into your own truth.
Do Dress Like A Lady
The truth is that as women, we often dress for other women. Our trendiest outfits aren’t necessarily the most man-friendly looks in our closet. The first date is a perfect opportunity to not shy away from your own femininity. Think ladylike clothes: dresses, heels, delicate blouses, floral, lace, and, of course, red! We, as fashionistas, have many fashion flavors, but it may be best to save our crop top for the beach date, and our Sporty Spice look for that ball game down the line. When getting dressed, follow this golden rule: You want your man to try and get to know you, not your cleavage.
Don’t Give Away The Goods For Free
You, as a free and liberated woman, are able to choose what to do with your body, with whom, and when. And, yes, we fall into love in many ways, but if you want to give true love a chance, it helps to build a foundation of friendship. A first date conversation should resemble that of a budding friendship. Not only will holding back fuel desire, but it’ll also promote the potential longevity of your love as you put the proper foundations in place.
Do Pace Yourself
As with the physical and the emotional, so is true with alcohol–pace yourself. Booze can lower our inhibitions, which can make us feel momentarily charismatic, but it can also make us arrive at that horrible moment when we realize that we alone, are prematurely wasted. It’d be nice if we were able to actually remember this magical first date.
Don’t Cross Examine
Being inquisitive does not mean cross-examining your date. Do not probe about past relationships, family drama, financial matters, or anything that strikes too many personal chords. A simple rule to consider when framing questions is to aim for what inspires: What’s the best trip they ever took? Who’s their favorite person and why? What are their hopes, their dreams, their ambitions?
Do Be Your Authentic Self
There’s nothing more attractive than confidence. True confidence comes from being able to get behind your authentic self, with anybody, and in any situation. If you know who you are (how you think and feel) and you stand by it proudly, you have successfully found your authentic self. It’s now time to use it. Trust that version and let the magic flow.
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