Chrissy Teigen covers the April issue of Glamour, and inside she makes a candid admission in her essay: she suffers from postpartum depression.
Yes, the same star who always smiles, gushes about her daughter Luna and life with John Legend, admits that on the inside she was struggling. At first, the Sports Illustrated model chalked her unhappiness to living in a hotel while her home was being renovated, but even after she moved into their family home, something still wasn't right.
The happy-go-lucky Lip Sync Battle star started to snap at everyone, even those she was closest to, and she'd end up in tears. "I couldn't figure out why I was so unhappy," she continues.
Eventually, she just stopped leaving the house, writing, "Not even a tiptoe outside...I had every shade closed." The 31-year-old model "couldn't muster up the energy to make it upstairs for bed," she adds.
"John would sleep on the couch with me, sometimes four nights in a row. I started keeping robes and comfy clothes in the pantry so I wouldn't have to go upstairs when John went to work," she confesses. "There was a lot of spontaneous crying."
In addition to her overwhelming sadness, Teigen started to be in incredible amounts of pain. She went to doctors who speculated rheumatoid arthritis or a kindey infection. Finally, her general practictioner realized what was wrong.
"My doctor pulled out a book and started listing symptoms. And I was like, 'Yep, yep, yep.' I got my diagnosis: postpartum depression and anxiety. (The anxiety explains some of my physical symptoms.)"
Finally having an explanation, Teigen started telling the truth to people who needed and wanted to know what was going on with her. She also started taking an antidepressant, "which helped," she says.
What surprised Teigen the most, however, was that with all the help she is lucky to have, she still became a statistic.
"I know I might sound like a whiny, entitled girl. Plenty of people around the world in my situation have no help, no family, no access to medical care. I can't imagine not being able to go to the doctors that I need...I look around every day and I don't know how people do it. I've never had more respect for mothers, especially mothers with postpartum depression."
"There are weeks when I still don't leave the house for days; then I'm randomly at the Super Bowl or Grammys. (This is cringeworthily unrelatable, and I am very aware of that—it's giving me anxiety.)," she continues. "Physically, I still don't have energy for a lot of things, but a lot of new moms deal with this. Just crawling around with Luna can be hard. My back pain has gotten better, but my hands and wrists still hurt. And it can still be tough for me to stomach food some days. But I'm dealing."